I had made it through the tenth grade, lost 15lbs, and found a new friend in Ana. Of course Lee was always there at school for me, but Ana was like the love of my life! Then I found out that Lee was moving. I cried, and asked her why.
"Because Rae, I have to get away from my mom, so I'm going to live with my dad."
She moved to a small town about 12 hours away. That was when Ana really took over my life the first time.
"Rae, why do you look so sad?"
"You know why Ana, my best friend just moved, I have a right to be upset."
"As long as you don't binge." She said, laying down beside me on the bed.
I just ignored her and cried. I didn't want her to be part of my life anymore. She shouldn't be here if Lee isn't here, that was my thought.
Over the next two years, I pushed her out of my life, and let C take over. I gained a total of 40lbs, I hated the way I looked and worst of all didn't want to exist.
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From here on in all of my conversations with Ana, will be kind of what I think to myself, and kind of fiction. I'm not crazy!!... well I am but I don't actually talk to Ana. Oh and C is Ana's girl's fictional character, but I'm going to use her to, mostly because, she pops up so often.
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C certainly does pop up often. We'll get her kicked out somehow though. Stay strong, dearie. (And don't worry, i didn't think you were crazy... Wanna know a secret? Sometimes i actually have conversations out loud with Ana... So yeah, i totally am crazy. Lol. Don't tell!)
ReplyDeletetruth be told, I do it sometimes too lol... but only if I'm alone... it helps to remind me what I can and cannot eat, and if I need to go workout
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