Samich

SO I thought I should update you whilst I sit here and eat. And before you even think it, it' a full plate for only 200 cals (probably a little less but I'm rounding up to be safe), an orange and a lettuce and cheese salad, only one slice of cheese and mustard for flavour. I've been doing better these past couple days, I have actually lost 4 of the 10 I had gained, and tomorrow my numbers will be lower again. I can and will do this, because tasting thin is going to be the most amazing thing in the world. Once you taste thin you can't go back to what you were, which is fine by me cause I can't even think about being back to the beginning. I will be thinner tomorrow then I was today.

In fact I have actually been able to see myself thin recently, and I like the idea of it more then ever, which is probably why I'm doing better.

Stay beautiful, always think thin.

Battle

Ok so my 20th birthday was last Saturday. And it really upsets me that I am still this big and now 20. At least when I was 19 I had a chance of becoming amazingly thin... now that I am out of my teens it feels like a losing battle or a gaining battle in this case...

.... Stupid Food

Dear god, I am fat.

I have been binging almost none stop the past couple weeks. And gained quite a bit of the weight I had gotten off back. My fat spills over the new jeans I bought cause all my other ones were too big. Well now they fit again! Great there goes that hard work.... which means I am going to have to work hard again just to get back to that point...

New Years

So I have already started crossing off the days of this year in a countdown to my goal weight. The only resolution I made this year was to do better then the previous ones. Which really means so many things to me.

First it means losing more weight faster.

Second it means finding love. Which may be closer then I thought, cause I met this guy. His name is Mike and he is wonderful. The only thing stopping us from dating is a bad relationship he got out of.

Third it means getting a 4.0 in college.

Fourth it means becoming the assistant manager at my job.

Fifth it means getting to a size 0 (if possible cause I know some bone structures won't allow it. And yes I know this is basically the same as losing weight).

So with all that said I guess I should tell you that I gained almost 7 pounds in 3 days at Christmas and am still struggling to get it off again. But I have a new plan which is pretty simple and so if I screw it up there is no hope for me.

Oh just thought of a sixth.

Sixth it means to be able to not cringe when a guy wraps his arms around me.

Anyway I start college on Thursday, which kinda sucks cause it means a few 15 hour days, which means it'll be hard to eat if I don't take money.

Anyway I have to go to sleep... I just thought I'd give you guys some kind of update... even though it isn't a good one.