Discovery

So I made a few discoveries today. First of all I cannot wear cute boots if they come up my calves, because they don't fit.... ever. My calves are too fat, my first discovery. Second discovery of the day, 36's are too big, meaning my size 16's are rather loose. However, 34's are a little tight, and 15's? Yeah right.... however 14's almost fit.... doesn't really make sense. So I have almost no pants I can wear because they are either too tight or too loose, really frusterating. Discovery number three, my upper arms, look a lot smaller. Also I can see my neck looks smaller. I want to be thin so bad that I can taste it, but everytime I start doing good I screw up royally.

I want thin legs, stick like arms, a tiny waist. I want sharp hipbones, and a colar bone that juts out. I want to see ribs without raising my arms. I want small breast that my hands will actually fit around. I want to be able to sit on a guy without the fear of hurting him, or making his leg fall asleep. I want boys to be able to pick me up without any effort. I want to walk into a room full of people and have them all notice me, because I am thin and beautiful. I want to be able to look at myself and see perfection. But what I want more then anything, is to finally be satisfied with the way I look.

I want to be perfect. I NEED to be perfect.