Oh dear

So I ate more then I should have last night and today. Wound up a bit sick... not going to go into details with that... it was gross, we'll go with that. So I forgot that I was going to be at my parents from today (Sunday) until Tuesday or Wednesday. So my weigh in isn't going to happen this week, but I will weigh myself as soon as I get home because I'm already starting to freak out. I went for a walk with my 14 year old sister today, it was over half a mile so that's good. Hopefully tomorrow I will be getting a couple of new bras, because the ones I currently own are getting to be too big around. Yay! So I guess I am making progress, just no where near as fast as I'd like. Oh and I thought maybe I'd throw in an installment of my story which has kind of been abandoned.

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I watched as Ana slid gracefully into her tiny jeans that she had just bought from the kids section. I looked down at my jeans, huge almost plus sized jeans. How did I let myself get this big. Ana turned to me seeing the tears shining in my eyes.

"Rae?"

"Yes?"

"What's the matter hun?"

"You are so skinny and pretty and I want to be just like you, only I have no control and no motivation to workout. I've failed you."

"Rae you haven't failed me. You just need time, you've been trying. You used to be a compulsive binge eater. Now you only binge sometimes, and eat closer to normal. You are taking steps in the right direction. One day I will be able to say I'm proud of you, but right now I' satisfied with your progress. You've been doing well. Just keep going in the right direction."

I looked at Ana, for once she was being completely supportive instead of knocking me down. She must have reached her new goal weight. She is so lucky. One day that will be me.

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I want to be perfect. I NEED to be perfect.