"There is no limit to weight loss, it's just where you want to be." I want to lose the weight, but I think in my subconscious the weight makes me feel safe, it makes me feel less vulnerable I guess. But then there is the conscious part of me that looks at myself and wants to cry.
I mean really who wants to be fat and ugly? I have so many pretty clothes that don't fit because of how big I am. I want to have hip bones, and ribs, and collar bones. But if I can't stop eating that will never happen.
I can be walking down the street, and I forget that I'm fat, until I look at myself or my arms brush my fat rolls, and then I wonder how the hell I got this big.
I think right now my biggest motivation to help myself get thin, is going to be just grabbing (literally) a handful of my fat. I hate looking in the mirror and feeling disgusted, so starting tomorrow, ABC, because I need control if this is going to work, and I'm going to make this work because I want to be able to put anything I own on and feel okay, instead of disgust. I really want this, I need to be able to not hate myself for once. I want to be happy, about anything, and I want to start my getting rid of this fat that is weighing me down, that is killing me.
I want to be perfect, I NEED to be perfect.
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I know exactly how you feel. I wish you motivation, since that works better than luck in the long run. <3
ReplyDeletei think the abc is a great idea, its what really helped me get on track when i started losing weight. good luck!
ReplyDeletestay strong
meg
God, i tried the ABC: i couldn't do it. i got about 13 or 14 days, but i ruined it.. blah): that's pathetic. but yeah, i know what you're going through.
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