I want to sleep, but I know if I do the horrors will ensue. I want a sense of control, I want to belong. But how can I do that when no one seems to notice I'm here. I could scream in the middle of a crowded room and no one would hear me. The worst part is all I want is to be wanted and needed, and instead I get shoved to the side because there is always someone better, or more wanted. Not only that but I mean is it too much to ask that when I text you, you know who it is? After you gave me your number? And seriously when did everything become about looks? I spent years working on my personality and you don't want to pay attention to it? So now I have to devote the rest of my life, making my body the image of perfect because I hate the way I look all because I wasn't like the models or the actresses. And I would say screw you except I think they look perfect too, and completely despise the way I look, no matter how I look it just isn't right. No matter how hard I work it isn't hard enough. No matter how happy I seem I am being torn apart inside. And no matter how much I think you might give me a chance, deep down I know you don't want the fat girl I am. Why do we bother to live life if all it is, is pain? Why doesn't someone change the way we look at ourselves, so we can all see our self as beautiful no matter how we look? It would be so much easier if we were all blind, so we wouldn't have to worry about what we look like. I just want a sense of control in this crazy mixed up world.
Sorry guys this has been a rather tangential rant about... I don't even know what.
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I've wondered about everyone being blind myself. So much of life is based on looks and if that weren't an issue anymore, then how would the world change?
ReplyDeleteI love to imagine people falling in love simply with personalities and having looks mean nothing. I believe that is the true path to finding your soul mate.