So I have been re-evaluating my goals and the rewards that go with them. Now I have a lot more rewards and a few more goals. I haven't been gaining which is good. I am down to about 215, and I started at about 233. So I have lost 18 pounds so far. It's a good success but I have about 100 pounds to go before I hit my target weight. It's weird, I mean I know logically in order to be a person you must have a mass, but I want to be weightless. I want to feel beautiful, and to do that I want to be weightless, which is really impossible, but at the same time it's all I want. Okay so moving on from my tangent.

Last night I was out yet again, and our bar has a new bouncer (Josh he's been there for about 3 weeks now). Josh and I are getting to be good buddies. I was leaving last night and he gave me a hug and picked me up. I almost freaked out on him. My brain was like you are going to hurt yourself picking up someone so heavy. But he just smiled and I couldn't say it to him.

Moving on. I picked up a pair of pants from my thrift store on Thursday, they were labelled as a 14, which should fit. I washed them and everything and looked at them today, they aren't a 14 they are a 12 which explains why they don't fit. Oh well just another goal pair of pants.

In other news. I gave my older sister 3 pairs of pants that were too big for me. They are too small for her, it makes me feel good. I am also now weighing less then her. For long time I was between 10-15 pounds heavier then her. So to finally weigh less then her; it makes me happy.

Bad news. I ate a whole fricken pizza (it was a small thin crust) last night before going out, however I still lost weight! How on earth does that work??

I think I have decided to do longer updates that are more in depth. I like reading your guys long posts and then I realized how short mine always seem in comparison. So from now on I will be adding little things like poetry, or thinspo, or long rants, or maybe even parts of my past I think are relevant.

So I guess to make this longer I will add: A Quickie Poem?

The night is long
the sky is black
my eyes are filled with tears.
Thoughts of beauty
creep up on me
My thighs are far too fat.
Every night before I sleep
I pray to God
to wake up thin.
But every morning when I wake
my pudge it still over runs.
I fake a smile
recount the calories
hoping it will be alright.
But every day and every night
I don't feel thin enough.
But one day I shall wake
my thighs won't touch
my ribs will show
my hips will beautifully protrude
and I will have wings on my back
that people will call shoulder blades.
But on that day
when I cry
they will be tears of joy.