Peter

So I met Peter a while ago, about the first week of September, and it never really hit me how thin he really was. I mean he is a truly beautiful being, and if I wasn't so sure he was gay, and so repulsed by myself I would likely jump him. Anyway moving on. I only see or talk to him once a week cause we both attend the same music group, but lately it's like he's lost weight. He pants are really loose and baggy, even with his belt on. His sweaters hang off his fragile frame. And when I hug him I can feel all his bones. Now there is that part of me that wants to shove food in his mouth and make him swallow so that he isn't so tiny. But then there is the bigger part of me that says, "but you know that his size is part of why you think he is so attractive." And I know that if I could have it my way I would be the same size as him. And I will be. But right now it kind of scares me to see what I want to become. Does that ever happen to any of you? Now Peter and I don't talk a lot, we have our small talk, our Thursday night hugs, and sometimes a few texts throughout the week. But part of me wants to be with him all the time, because I feel ashamed to eat when I think about him. I feel like I am failing because of how tiny he is, and how obvously not tiny I am. I just want to be his equal.

Anyway on another note. I have lost a little bit more. This morning I was 198.6 yay me! So I have decided that I am going to make it my goal to lose 2-4 pounds a week until my birthday (January 8) and from then we will see what happens. But with this new found confidence, and Peter, I think I should be okay. Plus all of John Kristopher's fantastic energy helps a tonne too. Anyway I still want to work out a bit before bed.

Intake for the day:
PB&J Sandwich: 175
Pickle: 0
Cheese: 75
2 Oranges: 75

Total: 225 (What? Really? Hmmmm... I'm okay with that)