I feel like the biggest failure. I had a decent day and then I got home about an hour ago. I was going to have a small bit of rice to satisfy the hunger monster.... but I wound up having a bit more, and a bit more. I mean it was still probably only a cup and a half but still. It upsets me that I don't have the control I want. But it makes me happy to know that I didn't just binge completely when I easily could have... and I did think about just eating and eating and eating.
Anyway I was unable to weigh myself this morning because I had to leave super early to get shit done. So I'm all anxious cause I don't know what I weigh. I don't usually get anxious about it.
Update from last night though. I did some pain management today. I went and got my wrist pierced, and a second lip one done. However the wrist one may have to be taken out and redone, cause it might not heal properly, which sucks.
So here is my question(s?) for everyone in the cyber world. What do you find motivates you to exercise and stick to your food plan? And second, how do you go about fixing your broken hearts?
PS: I know this is super short so therefore I must add some volume to it by writing depressive poetry.
I scrolled through your pictures
the ones I just found.
You look so sad these days
I always wondered why.
You seemed happy in those pictures
holding her tight.
Did she leave you, gone
left you to cry?
You looked so healthy
now you look tiny.
I have this burning want
to just make you smile.
I want to be small enough
to fit into your miniscule
bright pink sweater.
I want to fit perfectly
wrapped in your arms.
Yet I have so far to go
just to get to that place,
it seems like miles away.
Yet maybe both our sorrows
would be erased if I could get there.
I just need to take an extra step
everyday to get there sooner.
We will be one
one tiny couple.
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uhmmm right now i feel no motivation but what would keep me motivated previously was reverse thinspo on youtube, listening to the music and since i love japanese things i'd usually go looking at some japanese pics of my fave bands because how could i land anyone remotely as hot looking the way i do now? all very superficial things
ReplyDeletei hope you feel better and i know you can stay on track don't let that tiny indiscretion get you down!!!
stay strong
muah
I motivate myself by standing in front of the mirror and tearing myself down until I seriously start crying or close to it (I'm a pansy though)
ReplyDeleteI would love to go get piercings to fix a broken heart but my income won't allow it...neither will my job lol. I usually just sleep...I sleep until it feels like a dream..
It's hard to be motivated all the time but you just need to remember where you want to be and the only way to get there is be motivated and get things done
ReplyDelete<3
The mirror.
ReplyDeleteA pair of jeans that used to fit me two years ago.
A photo in my phone of me WEARING those jeans now. It makes me feel sick.
Reverse triggers, or thinspo with a fat girl and a thin one.
And finally, the model-skinny girl I live with.