Meeting Ana

"Hey Ana, how's your day going?" I said sitting next to her eating a peanut butter sandwich and pulling out several other things.
"Oh it's alright." She said getting up from our lunch table. "I'm going to workout."
I raised a brow, but it was normal for Ana to leave as soon as lunch started.
"Alright," I said around a bite of sandwich. "I'll see you in science."
"You know you could come with me." She smiled.
"Maybe tomorrow, I'm really hungry today."
She walked away muttering, "So am I."
I didn't know why she never ate with us, I had just accepted it to be how it was. After lunch we were waiting outside our classroom, our teacher was late as usual. "Ana, why don't you ever eat with us?" I whispered.
"You really want to know?"
I nodded. I did want to know she was my friend and I cared about her.
She pulled me into the bathroom right around the corner, and into the handicapped stall. We sat on the floor, and she started her story.
"I've never thought I looked good, and I decided that there was only one thing I could do." She paused. "I decided to starve off the parts I don't like."
I must have looked shocked, because she wrapped her thin arms around me, "It's okay Rae, I know what I'm doing. You don't really need to eat. Food is just something that is holding us back. It's something that is stopping us from being the best we can be."
I completely agreed with her. I had always been the fat girl, when I was in the 7th and 8th grade I had a few boys who would follow me around making booming noises. I knew what she felt like to not be happy with how you look. Truth be told I had gained about 60 pounds from grade 6 to grade 10.
"It isn't hard Rae, and you start to lose weight immediately. I usually have either chicken or beef broth for supper, and a piece of dry toast for breakfast."
I gaped at her, I came from a family who liked to eat all the time. We'd barely finish supper and my mother would have drug out snacks and chips and chocolate. Wow I realized at that moment why I was so big. I mean really I was a size 14, or 34 depending on what I was looking at. I hated myself, I was a cutter, and now I wanted Ana to show me the way.
"Oh Ana, will you help me?"
She gripped me tighter in her embrace, "Of course I will."
That was the first day I let Ana into my life, the day I really started to care about how I looked. And the day I realized I was the biggest, fattest, ugliest girl in the world.
That was when Ana started to affect me. Only she wasn't just my living breathing friend, she was also the voice inside my head.
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Ok so that's the first part of my story, so now I'll do an update on what's going on.
After I finished last night I had a mini binge and ate 6 small cookies, which showed up on the scale when I weighed myself. Yes I weigh myself at night, so that I can see how everything I put in my body really shows. I was rather upset because I gained 0.4 of a pound, which I know isn't really bad, but after consistently losing weight everyday I wanted to cry. So I started to make a list of items I want, like my belly button pierced, and a broken heart tattoo on my hip. Plus I have all these clothes that are too small that I bought that way, so that as I lose weight I won't have to buy very many clothes. And as I get smaller I plan on giving all of my FAT clothes to my sister, who is bigger then me, so to her they will be goal clothes. I live with my sister and she has yet to realized that I'm not eating which really excites me because the longer she doesn't notice the longer I can keep up this rapid weight loss.