Hello World

So it has been nearly two weeks since my last post, and it hasn't been because I didn't have any good news. And it hasn't been because I didn't want to. It was simply because my computer was dead. I now have a new cord for it, and hopefully everything will be fine. So now I'm going to go through the last two weeks with you guys. I have been working constantly, which means I have little time for eating, which makes me happy. But even better then that, I have had nearly no appetite. However I have also not been working out, which makes me depressed. However I have lost some weight, and need to be happy about that and stay hungry for more.

So I am moving at the end of August (as long as everything goes according to plan), and I want to be under 200 by the time I move, which shouldn't be hard considering when I weighed in this morning I was 209.4!!!!!! Tell me that isn't progress. When I started this journey I was 233.6. Which gives me a total weight loss so far of 24.2 pounds. I think that is amazing, it is a start but the finish line is a long way away.

Now I just have to start working out on a regular basis and I should be okay. This month I succeeded in not gaining weight (first month I have ever done that), as well as getting one step closer to control.

However I feel bad because what I have been eating is crap... so to be losing weight and eating crap makes me feel like a fraud. But at the same time I know that the thoughts I have? They make this real. They makes this very real.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I walked down the street a smile on my face. My stomach wasn't as fat, my face didn't look as blown up, I was proud of myself.

"Don't look so happy." The voice I had dreaded hearing.

"But I've done so well lately."

"Done well?! You've been pigging out on junk food every night for the past week. You make me feel sick the amount of crap you are eating."

Tears stung my eyes. I knew she was right. "But I'm losing weight so what does it matter?"

Ana looked at me angrily. "What does it matter?" She asked incredulously. "It matters because it's all going to catch up with you at once and then all your hard work will have been wasted. You have the potential to do so well, and be so skinny. All you have to do is just do it."

I nodded. She was right she was always was.

"Now starting tomorrow you are going to go for a walk everyday, and do a little bit of strength training every night. Maybe if I start you off slowly you won't fail."

I nodded, I wanted so desperately to tell her I wanted to fast but I knew I would fail at that, I didn't have the self control to do it. I could want it but not do it, which is what always frustrated Ana.

"Thank you Ana," I said taking her hand and walking with her.

Ana always had a plan, and she would always come up with something for me. That was why I loved her, and she would never give up on me.