So my computer is currently working (crosses fingers), so I'm going to try and give you an update on everything that is going on here.
First of all, I'm pretty sure I have a job now. She phoned and asked if I would go in and fill out paper work, so I am doing that tomorrow. It would be great to not have so many hours in the day to be able to binge. Only down side is I'm moving to a different city at the end of August so I'll have to quit soon any way. Oh well. Once I move I'm going to take a beginners ballet class as motivation for me to do better, as well as an excuse to exercise because I have always wanted to be a ballerina. And yes I know right now I look the complete opposite of a ballerina.
Secondly, Josh has openly said I'm not his type. And oddly enough I'm alright with that. I mean he is 10 years older then me (which doesn't bother me), and we are looking for different things. So in reality it's for the best that it's not going to work out.
Third, I feel sick every time I eat. It's weird, sometimes I am actually physically ill. I don't like being sick, but at the same time it's helpful. I am eating less as a result. I don't mind eating less, I mean my UGW has changed dramatically. I want to be so tiny, and I have a number in mind for what I want to be, only I can't say because even I think it's insane.
Okay fourth, I am transposing music, and have finished one, and am almost finished another. It's going so well. I have also decided I want a new flute, which will take me a while to save up for because it's $11,600 before tax and warranty. It's a huge number, but what ever I want it and I will have it.
So lately I have been wanting to eat less, and exercise more, and it makes me happy because I know it should make the numbers less. I want to be better then yesterday, I want to be smaller then yesterday. I want tomorrow to be better. I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul. I want to be weightless. I want to be so tiny any guy can pick me up with ease. I want my ribs to stick through my too thin skin. I want to walk in the snow and leave no foot prints. I want to see double digits instead of triple. I want everyone to think I'm thin.
Sorry guys, kinda went old school goals there. Oh well you guys understand better then anyone else. Time to go do some kind of exercise before bed.
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You play the flute? Interesting. I think every flute player at my University is obsessed with food and knows the calories in every item on the planet.
ReplyDeleteMy UGW has drastically changed too since I started, but I haven't told anyone because it's ridiculously thin and insane :) So I understand!
ReplyDeleteBallet is awesome! I used to do it, and I miss it every day. So I hope you enjoy it! Good luck :)
Have a fantastically skinny day!
It sounds like you're doing absolutely wonderfully. You've got so much determination.
ReplyDeleteFood has been making me physically ill all the time too... It's probably not a good thing, and yet i find it good too. I totally understand. I think we're exactly in the same place right now... except i've been avoiding exercise. I need to get back to that, huh?
I'm proud of you, hunny! Keep up your good work and i know you'll see some beautiful results.
wow!!! i never knew a flute was sooo expensive! i played the viola and those were pricey at 2500.. wow! good luck with reaching your savings goal, that is an awesome one!
ReplyDeletefood makes me sick sometimes too- i would say, make your meals smaller and more frequent.. my problem is, i sometimes restrict so much, then i eat a big higher fat meal and i get sick.. so smaller is good.. lol