I walked down the street one day and suddenly realized what a monstrosity I had let myself become. That was the day I realized I had to do something about it. That was the day that everything changed for me. Quite often now I have good days, but I will look in the mirror and see something horrible. I woke up this morning went to work, but when I got home I looked in the mirror, and what I saw was heartbreaking and disgusting. I have been awake for 7 hours now and eaten 10 cherry tomatoes. I have weighed myself a couple dozen times, and simply want to break down and cry because of what I see in the mirror.
I see a girl who could be so pretty if she would just lose the weight. It is my resolve to start doing more. Since I am working now I am on my feet a great deal more which should help, as long as I restrain myself in the break room (Reese's pieces, tim bits, cookies, candies, etc.). I need to learn control and I need to learn it fast.
I am going to do a week of heavy restriction, between 200-600 calories. And work out everyday. I haven't been doing either lately, but I'm still between 214 and 218, so it's not like I have gained anything. But today it was like I was suddenly looking out through different eyes, because what I saw just did seem like it was me. I don't remember being this fat, I don't remember looking like such a whale. I don't remember ever feeling this bad about my body.
Something has to change or I will be depressed all my life. I want to be thin I want to be beautiful.
Woke up and looked in the mirror
watched the tear streak down my cheek.
Breathed in and watched my thighs jiggle.
Sighed and watched my belly wiggle.
Shuddered and my arms flapped.
I turned to see my back,
and saw the flab that was there.
My bum was no different
there was lard there also.
I stepped on the scale
the numbers were horrifying.
I stepped off, and stepped on again
the number was still the same.
Again I did this
but the number never changed.
The fat was there
but I was about to change that.
I walked out into the kitchen
and up to the fridge.
I looked at everything in the fridge
and decided everything was too much.
That was the first day I chose not to eat,
that was the day my life changed.
That was the first day of the rest of my life,
a life of control, sadness, and perfection.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Aww, I'm sorry :( You can do this! Just focus on the goal, and think about being thin whenever you feel like eating.
ReplyDeletethis is a beautiful post, i hope you find happiness on your journey, but i know how it feels, i used to feel like i sunk myself so low that i couldn't come back... but im working on it..
ReplyDeletegood luck love <333
I feel you! I was 245 about 7 months ago. I was 213.something with clothes on this morning. But, I used to be 128, and I know my potential to be beautiful. Underneath all of this fat, I am actually a pretty girl. I just started a liquid-only diet for 14 days. I have done this before, and lost about a pound a day. I even cheated a little last time. This time, I am not cheating at all. (So far on day2) I have to do it this way, because I was addicted to food for a long time, and this is the only way I can break that. Good luck, remember, this too shall pass! We will be beautiful, with Ana's help!
ReplyDeleteYou'll get there, hun. I know the feeling all too well. But i have to say, it hurts like hell to see someone so hideous in the mirror, but at the same time, it's fabulous motivation to work harder. Stay strong!
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel and I hope that unlike me you can look in the mirror realistically and see the changes you will make!!! I'm glad you know that you are beautiful!!!
ReplyDeletestay strong
MUAH
I'm with you.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard when I looking at mirror I want cry.
I know I must fight and You too.
We're strong. We can do it .
xxx
im hre to support u! u can do it..u must remind yourself of what u saw in the mirror when u have food in front.
ReplyDeleteYou can do this u can do anything. Yes you will lose the weight bc your will power is stronger than anything else.
hi, i live in Italy and lucky for me i learned english in 6 grade. i like your blog it's very inspirational. i even started my own blog. please give me support.
ReplyDelete