So I did something strange and new to me today. And it was scaring and alluring. I purged for the first time ever. I don't even remember what made me walk into the bathroom, lift up the seat, kneel down one hand holding back my hair the other bracing me. But it was surprisingly easy. I gagged once, and then I wasn't just gagging. After I finished I rinsed my mouth washed my hands and went back to the living room.
Yet after I was done I didn't feel any better. I still feel fat and disgusting. It's not that I weigh anymore, it's that I have been eating crap and staying the same weight, it makes me feel horribly guilty.
I guess I have hit a point where I can turn back into Ana's arms, or go straight to Mia's arms, or have them both embrace me. And right now I'm not sure what I want anymore. Cause I always tell girls not to purge, or that I wish they would purge less. But now I don't know anymore.
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Oh honey....
ReplyDeleteNo... purging wears away your teeth and damages your throat something fierce. The muscle that separates your stomach from your throat weakens and that gives acid reflux. The esophageal damage can even develope into esophageal cancer given enough time. And you still digest some of the food anyway. The simple sugars get absorbed very fast.
It's not worth it.
It's also easy to spot. Want people to know you have an eating disorder? Do the mia thing... it has obvious signs.
don't start please. i've lost all control over my eating,nd i don't even know what it's like to feel full anymore. all i want to do is eat eat eat. i've lost my control!!
ReplyDeletestay strong
muah
I'm sorry to hear this hun, but please - try steer clear from it. I'm very hypocritical as i've been curled up in her arms for months now, and i hate hearing that others are fooling for her lies. She will only make things worse. I hope you decide to stick with Ana.
ReplyDeletei've only just started reading your blog and i look forward to reading you're updates and trying to catch up on previous blogs
xox
Don't ever purge...you could kill yourself by bursting a vessel in your brain. It's not worth it, it's never worth it.
ReplyDelete