So I had a sudden realization today while watching P.S. I Love You on cable, while doing my sociology (currently studying family and types of marriage and such), why it is I can't find someone (other then being horrifically fat). I'm so afraid of being left alone; whether he'd leave me for someone else, or die; that I push people away. I push my friends away so that they can't leave me, I push away anyone who shows an interest in me.
I think that I would rather push them away before they can leave me, so that I don't have to feel that pain when they do eventually leave. I love learning something new about myself. It feels kind of empowering, just like losing weight.
So now I just have to figure out how to fix that whole abandonment issue, as well as lose weight consistently. Any tips you guys have for motivating yourself to exercise would be more then greatly appreciated.
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I do the exact same thing. Though I push most people away, I also hold on to certain people way too tightly, which in turn drives them away. :/
ReplyDeleteNot sure how to fix it though. I have started to try to be my own best friend, my own lover, my own protector and caregiver, in hopes that by learning to trust in and rely on myself I can not fear being 'alone'. That way I can enjoy people and allow them to enjoy me while still allowing both myself and the others freedom.
I have the same problem, I push everyone away so that I can avoid getting hurt. Its gotten a bit better lately because sometimes if I recognise what I'm doing, I try stop pushing people away so I can be alone. Sorry if that makes no sense, I just woke up. I wish I could give you advice on motivation for exercise but I don't have it either. What I do is try dance or walk or play tennis, I enjoy them so Its not as bad as the treadmill for me.
ReplyDeleteThe fear of being left is pretty normal. Trust me, even with as much as i know my Jacob loves me, and as much as he promises hell always be with me, i still fear that same thing. Stay strong, darling, and take some chances. Don't push those who claim to love you away and just see what happens. Who knows, it might turn out lovely for you.
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