Him

So I went out to the bar today after having a decent day food and exercise wise, and had a great time lol. So it was 80's themed and I dressed up... purple leggings short jean shorts, a white shirt with rainbows and love written all over it. I had a blast and I hate to say it but I looked pretty darn good (even though I still kept thinking about how fat I am...). So this guy was looking at me all night (which I know because I was staring at him all night lol... and after the music stopped and almost everyone had left, this girl comes over. We went to high school together she graduated a year before me and she says "So what's your name? That guy over there wants to know." I was like... "Rae...." and she was like "oh ok I'll tell him, he's cute right?" and sadly I was like "Yeah, I've been staring at him all night." and she's like "I'm gonna tell him that" I was like "oh don't it's so embarrassing" and she's like "But not tonight maybe next weekend." so she also told me her name and that she thought I was really pretty, and that she thought his name was Craig. So my "wife" told me to hurry up and get my ass outside... so I did and I stood there while she had a smoke and he came outside and looked around and was like "Do any of you have a cell phone I can borrow?" so of course I gave him mine even though I knew he had one cause I had seen him talking on it several time that night... so he was pulling a card out of his wallet to dial the number and his buddy was like "She has a phone" she being the much skinnier prettier girl, and he was like "I've already got one." Now this is going to sound corny but when he gave me back my phone I purposely made sure our fingers brushed... just to have that moment. So yeah a good night haven't weighed myself tonight won't for another half hour at least so that some of the liquids will get out lol... anyway hope you all are doing as good as I am right now

Blood... Thinspiration

So I gave blood last night... it was amazing... not only that but this guy I met was there. He is positively adorable... and my friend and I are pretty sure he has only had one or two girlfriends before. He's very quite and shy... and crazy smart. I have this burning desire to be beautiful suddenly. I haven't had that feeling for a while... so hopefully this is a step in the right direction.


So this is Kim Yuna from South Korea... she took gold in women's figure skating(not sure which one...) but she is incredibly tiny, and beautiful... and I thought she deserved a place on my wall...









I want to be perfect, I NEED to be perfect.

Donating, Binging

Hey guys sorry I haven't been posting or commenting. It isn't for a lack of time, I just read about how well you guys are doing and get really sad because I have just been binging and binging since JJ fucked off. Thankfully when I weighed myself last night I was at 223.2... so not too much of a weight gain... but it makes me really sad... tomorrow I am going to donate blood... which will result in immeadiate weight loss... which is exciting... Oh and my calculus teacher informed us today that she can't donate blood because she doesn't weigh enough... here you have to weigh at least 110... which means she is what I aspire to be....

Stay Strong my pretties.

I want to be perfect, I NEED to be perfect!

Better Day

So far today has been okay... I had originally planned on fasting, but instead I've had 5 calorie jello, and a salad. So about 75 cals so far. I plan on trying to stay under 700cals today and going for a walk at some point. Hopefully I won't have gained too much weight this week. So fasting tomorrow. Hopefully it will go well!

I want to be perfect, I NEED to be perfect.

Oh and some reverse thinspo....



These girls are one of my friends univeristy friends... it makes me wish I could survive on air!!!

BingyMcPhee

So I've been binging more and more lately... I had a horrible binge day again... and the worst part is I don't even know why. I'm not unhappy (except about my body), I'm not super stressed (only a little), and I'm not even hungry. It's just like the food hops in my mouth and then my mouth chews by its self... I have no control over it. I'm hoping to fast for a few days because I have gained alot of weight back this past week... even though weigh in isn't until tomorrow, I know that I will have gained weight no matter what I do... hopefully I will be able to regain my control rather quickly.

Monday Fast

Ok so I started school on Thursday it's now Saturday, I have two weeks of Calculus to catch up on because I'm a returning student and just decided on a whim one day that I was going back. SO know I'm a bit stressed because I have that and I have my Forensic Science, and band of course. Speaking of band we have to go to festival on Monday and I can't play half the music! Oh well I decided I'd eat a bit over the weekend to keep up my energy level, but I have to be very careful what I'm eating. But I am also going out dancing and for walks... so it should be ok... I hope... I'm going to fast on Monday so if anyone is interested, we can do it together! ;)

Eating

SO today was my first day of school again, I did really well all morning and then the Reese's just found their way into my mouth, and a sub, and some more chocolate, and then some fries, and then half a stromboli, and then more reese's and then mini eggs... and then I realized that I hadn't just ate today.... I binged like nobody's business... on the plus side however... my pop was diet instead ot regular... I don't know how big of a plus that is...

So tomorrow I am going to get my passport done, because my school's band is going to Seattle... which is exciting...

Anyway nothing good to report today so I'm stopping here.