BingyMcPhee

So I've been binging more and more lately... I had a horrible binge day again... and the worst part is I don't even know why. I'm not unhappy (except about my body), I'm not super stressed (only a little), and I'm not even hungry. It's just like the food hops in my mouth and then my mouth chews by its self... I have no control over it. I'm hoping to fast for a few days because I have gained alot of weight back this past week... even though weigh in isn't until tomorrow, I know that I will have gained weight no matter what I do... hopefully I will be able to regain my control rather quickly.

Eating

SO today was my first day of school again, I did really well all morning and then the Reese's just found their way into my mouth, and a sub, and some more chocolate, and then some fries, and then half a stromboli, and then more reese's and then mini eggs... and then I realized that I hadn't just ate today.... I binged like nobody's business... on the plus side however... my pop was diet instead ot regular... I don't know how big of a plus that is...

So tomorrow I am going to get my passport done, because my school's band is going to Seattle... which is exciting...

Anyway nothing good to report today so I'm stopping here.

Oh Man

So I figured since I did an update this afternoon about yesterday I should get another post up about how today went. I found myself checking my weight every time I went into the bathroom. I know it's unhealthy but today I couldn't help it before I go to bed I have to check how I did this week. I know I've lost a little bit, but not nearly as much as I had hoped for. I binged on pasta, and then regretted it because I felt so sick. Then when the pain subsided I had some ice cream, so when I got hungry about 30 minutes ago I decided to finally be good and have spinach salad, and found myself thinking if Ana was a person she would be as disgusted, if not more than I am at what I did today. Of course as soon as I thought of him, the boy I met last night, I felt even more disgusted wiith myself. But I also know that tomorrow I will do better, because I want to fit in those pants, I want to be worthy of him, and more then anything, I want to be happy with who I am.

ABC

So for those of you who are unaware of what ABC is it is Ana Boot Camp. I started it on Sunday.
Here's the "diet" if you want to know the specifics.
1: 500 calories(or less)
2: 500 calories(or less)
3: 300 calories
4: 400 calories
5: 100 calories
6: 200 calories
7: 300 calories
8: 400 calories
9: 500 calories
10: fast
11: 150 calories
12: 200 calories
13: 400 calories
14: 350 calories
15: 250 calories
16: 200 calories
17: fast
18: 200 calories
19: 100 calories
20: fast
21: 300 calories
22: 250 calories
23: 200 calories
24: 150 calories
25: 100 calories
26: 50 calories
27: 100 calories
28: 200 calories
29: 200 calories
30: 300 calories
31: 800
32: fast
33: 250 calories
34: 350 calories
35: 450 calories
36: fast
37: 500 calories
38: 450 calories
39: 400 calories
40: 350 calories
41: 300 calories
42: 250 calories
43: 200 calories
44: 200 calories
45: 250 calories
46: 200 calories
47: 300 calories
48: 200 calories
49: 150 calories
50: fast

So Sunday went well, it was fairly easy and I didn't feel hungry or tired once.

Monday I did well I was under my 500 limit and then the monster came out. I wasn't hungry, I wasn't bored, I wasn't sad. I ate perogies and cheese toast, but managed to stop myself before I ate the second piece of cheese toast I had made. I was very upset with myself but was still able to lose 0.2lbs. I don't know how because I ate about 1200cals that day. So it was at that point I decided instead of starting ABC over again, I would just document where I slipped up and add those days onto the end. So right now I'm looking at 51 days of ABC.

I have also made the decision to pick up Pilate's and start and more rigorous exercise regime. I'm going to start with half an hour four times a week and increase from there.